Holiday Comedy Fans Pillows

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Rudolph...I think I finally found the secret of your red nose.'

Piranhaclaus

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'He's got your nose.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

"You have the Hum bug.'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

Santa Enjoys Venison.

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

Full Serve/Elf Serve

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

Santa's Second Stringers.

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

'I kept wondering for years...am I red with white stripes or white with red stripes? I became so mixed up. Now, look at me.'

About Santa 2017.