Hmo Representative Gifts

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Jesus Christ, Health Insurance CEO

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"Am I passionate about fashion? Yep, I guess you could say I'm fashionate."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

'Therapy in L.A.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

"Smart stuff, Chip, but wise up and dumb it down."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

How To Spot A Politician

"Gracie, if we want to see more Latinos in film, we need to support Latino films. When a movie comes out with Latino stars and Latino story, we need to go see it."

'Stop! Don't try to move him until we get his insurance information!'

'We have an Australian-based HMO, so the hospital sent Dan home in a Crutcharoo.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

"I have exclusive rights with Pfizer."

"We can't have Single Payer - what will people do without claim denials and endless hoops to jump through?"

Warning: Eating This Food Could Result in a Decrease of Health Benefits

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Our news documentary, 'More depressing government shenanigans,' is sponsored by prozac.'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"