Hmo Representative Gifts

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Jesus Christ, Health Insurance CEO

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Am I passionate about fashion? Yep, I guess you could say I'm fashionate."

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'Stop! Don't try to move him until we get his insurance information!'

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

"Smart stuff, Chip, but wise up and dumb it down."

How To Spot A Politician

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

Warning: Eating This Food Could Result in a Decrease of Health Benefits

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"We can't have Single Payer - what will people do without claim denials and endless hoops to jump through?"

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"Responsibility? Me? Don't be silly. I'm a politician!"

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'