Medical Representative Gifts

'I'm going to prescribe an effective drug that is very expensive. I use the same medication. Luckily, I get free samples from the company representative.'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

I love Lawyers

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

"Surgery up here is free!"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"WHich one is mine?"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Say 'eh.'"

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'