Religious Representative Gifts

"Do you have a few minutes to talk about Creation?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

God Sneezes Out Creation

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"All we have left is standing room only."

At the 2021 Religious Games

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

Monk Prompt

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'