Hilarious Turn Of The Cards Gifts

"...But if you'd led back a heart instead of that spade..."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

Just your average family holiday portrait.

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

Car with upright Christmas tree.

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'Look pal, we're friends and all, but you need to get out more, meet some people...'

"Will you call me?"

'The Novocain seems to have kicked in,'

'I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always!'

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'Look, you still owe us 17 cents.. if you sweep up my office we'll call it even.'

Snowman making a snowwoman

Quality Assurance

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'

You gotta be pretty old to have nose hairs that long.

'Me keep thinking it Wednesday.'

"Mike, Mike, Mike! Guess what day it is!!!"

"Yes it's a salad bar, but it's still mainly hay."

'Holy mackerel! No wonder you were screaming so loudly!'

"The bastards!"

'If you ask me, they're getting WAY too into the spirit of Wednesday being Hump Day.'

"Psst - wanna buy some catnip...?"

London GPs income slashed by 'list cleaning'.

Ear, Nose & Throat Clinic

'They're your parents.'

John's renewed focus on valuing people had been misinterpreted.

A man ordering Haricot Mutton in a restaurant

'I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.'

"I know this is heaven! This is the lightest I've ever been"