Hilarious Hostess Gifts

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Wine Lady

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Pinata Trophies

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"Dig in. It's a medallion-of-veal look-alike."

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Come dine with me!

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Roller Coasters

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

'Main Street or Wall Street?'

"Your party just totally blew us away."

"I've got reservations for this evening."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

'Psst! It's the invisible man. Try not to state at his new hair piece.'

"No politics or religion. This party’s MYOB — Mind Your Own Business."

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Help yourself

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'