High-stakes Humorist Gifts

'I'll bet you fifty dollars that you can't stop gambling.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

Champagne at the hunt

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

Is there a company doctor in the house?

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

"Apparently, the new boss isn't exactly a barrel of laughs."

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

"We've got to strike the setup. The patron wants organic."

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

Frisbee Flies By Mountain Climbers

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

'There I was, balanced on the wire, juggling balls like crazy when this yo-yo in the crowd hits me in the eye with a peanut.'

mountain climer finding a guru wearing a covid mask and a sign that says 6 feet please.

"For heaven’s sake, I said ‘fetch.’ Not ‘fly’!"

Bra falling from the sky.

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

'You want to get me the owner's manual out of the glove compartment?'

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

"I'd like you to meet the artist."

"How do I get this cross hatching out?"

Have You Claimed Your PPI?

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

'Your hand signal was okay. Pity you didn't open the window.'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'