High-stakes Humorist Pillows

'I'll bet you fifty dollars that you can't stop gambling.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

Champagne at the hunt

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

Is there a company doctor in the house?

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

"Apparently, the new boss isn't exactly a barrel of laughs."

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

"We've got to strike the setup. The patron wants organic."

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

Frisbee Flies By Mountain Climbers

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

mountain climer finding a guru wearing a covid mask and a sign that says 6 feet please.

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

Bra falling from the sky.

'There I was, balanced on the wire, juggling balls like crazy when this yo-yo in the crowd hits me in the eye with a peanut.'

Airport. Taxi. Everybody I drive to the airport seems to lose their fear of flying.

"For heaven’s sake, I said ‘fetch.’ Not ‘fly’!"

'You want to get me the owner's manual out of the glove compartment?'

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

"How do I get this cross hatching out?"

'Your hand signal was okay. Pity you didn't open the window.'

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

"I'd like you to meet the artist."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

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