Hellish Decor Fanatic Pillows

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

Cake Free Zone

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

'Are you sure energy efficient isn't just a nice way of saying you're not too bright?'

Enthralled by the appealing throw pillows, Barry never saw the fighting pillow coming.

'A Dust Cow'.

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

WInter Fish

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

Scarecrow with a TV head.

Unicorn Hunting Trophy

'Hi, and welcome to Home Makeover from Hell.'

'Of course I am at the office, honey. Don't you hear the tortured souls?'

clown trophies

Tub Canyon

'Most people would appreciate having a mural in their home.'

'Dearest, do you smell something not burning?'

"Stop looking up my skirt you little creep!"

"The reconstructive surgery went smoothly but I still get terrible headaches!"

'This should only take a minute. This couple is interested in buying my couch.'

Mummies solution.

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

"If you like it you'd better act quick. 'Under the bed' got scooped up the moment it hit the market."

'I hear one more person say 'my bad'. I'll wring their neck!'

"So you saw the kitchen and living room, and this is the zoom background."

"And this is my pocket."

"That isn't the trophy that I had envisioned."