Hellish Decor Fanatic Pillows

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

Cake Free Zone

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

'Are you sure energy efficient isn't just a nice way of saying you're not too bright?'

'A Dust Cow'.

Enthralled by the appealing throw pillows, Barry never saw the fighting pillow coming.

WInter Fish

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

Man missing giant shoe, which has been set up as a house.

Unicorn Hunting Trophy

Scarecrow with a TV head.

'Of course I am at the office, honey. Don't you hear the tortured souls?'

Tub Canyon

clown trophies

'Hi, and welcome to Home Makeover from Hell.'

'Most people would appreciate having a mural in their home.'

'Dearest, do you smell something not burning?'

Sock monkey reading magazine about sock

'I hear one more person say 'my bad'. I'll wring their neck!'

"The reconstructive surgery went smoothly but I still get terrible headaches!"

Mummies solution.

"Stop looking up my skirt you little creep!"

"If you like it you'd better act quick. 'Under the bed' got scooped up the moment it hit the market."

'This should only take a minute. This couple is interested in buying my couch.'

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

"So you saw the kitchen and living room, and this is the zoom background."

"And this is my pocket."