Heir With Humor Pillows

"One day Son all this will be yours."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

Daffodil bulbs

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

Baby, baby maker

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

'Where's my horse?'

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."