Heir Of Hilarity Pillows

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

Night-time halo

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'We are gathered here...'

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

Hairy dog looks the same both ends.

How's my Sermon . . .

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'He has his father's feet.'

"Holy water, holy water...."

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

'World's Greatest Dad'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'