Heirloom Humorist Pillows

"Someday, son, this window-treatment will be yours."

"Someday, son, all this will be yours."

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The Adventures of God

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Actually, I think you looked better WITH a beard."