Heavenly Tourist Gifts

"So you want to see the hot spots, huh?"

The suite hereafter.

Everest Sign in Heaven

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

Monk on the beach

"You are here"

Airports.

Celestial Navigation

Touring Holidays - On the P***

Cherub on a cloud

"Mr. Jenkins' idea of paradise is a never occupied loo, a big flat screen with hundreds of free sports channels and a fridge that always gets refilled with beer and pizza."

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Scarecrow Directions

"So this is where it all ends up. . ."

Mars-A-Lago

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

"Could you help me with this?"

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

"What do you have to do to get business class?"

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

'Damned tourists.'

Priests on plane - "We must be near head office."

'They're more advanced than I thought. It only took him five seconds to refold that map.'

'So, where's the mall?'

Things to do in the area.

'Don't worry -- that's just George Carlin.'

'Woah! I must have gotten on the wrong bus.'

'And did you pack that yourself'

"If I let you bring your phone, do you promise not to try to take pics of yourself with God?"

Ducks Migration Patterns

'Unless you're going to pass, get the hell out of the left lane!'

'Well, QUIT sending me back as a low-bid contractor.'