Heaven And Hell Humorist Gifts

"As usual, its perfect weather in Heaven today. Sunshine, a light breeze... Not too hot and not too cold. Now, after the break... Is hell freezing over? Stay tuned."

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

The Adventures of God

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

Halo Frisbee.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'Look man, no wings!'

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"Actually, I think you looked better WITH a beard."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.