Heaven And Hell Fan Gifts

"It's a Christmas newsletter from my relatives in heaven. They're trying to rub it in."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

Heaven and Hell

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"Closed until further notice."

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

'Do you want fries and a coke with this?'

'On a more positive note, your hot flashes will seem relatively cool.'

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

"Who did you think has been drawing you all this time?"

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

Devil with Fire and Brimstone In-Trays.

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

"They said you can't take it with you. . . and you believed them?"

And on the seventh day He rested

Jimmy Hoffa in hell.

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