Heaven Gifts

"Sorry for the racket... there are billions of dogs up here, and they get a little excited when someone's at the gate."

"Apparently, too much of a good thing is a bad thing."

Life on cloud 8

'In doggy heaven, everyone is allowed on the couch.'

'Apparently it's no longer cost effective.'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"The wings are addictive."

"Wait a minute - you want me to play the harp??! You don't have karaoke up here? Then why are you calling it 'paradise?'"

Eating in Heaven.

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

Look,does it really matter what bloody shape it is?

An angel walking a dog that has stopped to dig in a cloud

"The first thing newcomers seem to want to do is make a 'cloud angel'."

"Surgery up here is free!"

Visual Gag / A man in Heaven replacing the AAA batteries for his halo

Punk Angel

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Surely that was the case in school or at a new job. Here, however, there is such a thing as a stupid question."

When you celebrate life, so does heaven.

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'

'Hey, I remember you! You're Clifford Brown!'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

"Assigned to cloud nine! I haven't been there since I caught that twelve pound bass!"

"Wait. Don't look. O.K., over my left shoulder-is that God?"

"If you laugh at all of God's jokes, he's never going to learn what's funny."

"There's no way he'll notice, right? I mean, all turtles look the same."

"Sorry, no narcissists allowed."

"Relax, boy. That’s just God."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

"Vous n'avez pas de badge? Comment être-vous entré?"