Heathcliff Fan Gifts

'Heathcliff! Oh, Heathcliff!'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'Geoffrey's kit car can go from nought to upside down in under nine seconds.'

'I win!'

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

'This is our top negotiator's office.'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'No WONDER we're having so much trouble finding Radio City Music Hall! The wires to the GPS are reversed!'

"Wow, fishing sure is fun. I can't believe I caught such a big fish my first time out."

"Daisy, Daisy, I've seen the farmer filling in the forms: We're going to the Agricultural Show!"

'I believe you were first.'

Ted never got used to hitchhikers on November 2nd, the Day of the Dead.

The Race

"Foul!"

'Soon I will have proved it ONCE AND FOR ALL!'

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'Jack's foursome gives out trophies at the end of the year...he came in fourth!'

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"Ha!...I'd like to see the Jones' trying to beat our display this year!"

You are no longer in jeopardy.

Scott finds Amundsen got to Pole first and cries

Go Britain!

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

'I knew she was a kicker.'

Sprinting speeding ticket

'When you asked me to follow your husband at work you didn't tell me he was a Formula One driver.'

On your mark, get set, go!

'Before I throw can you tell me if my feet are behind the line?'

'Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again.'