Healthcare Aversion Gifts

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Have you drugged your child today?

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Surgical Self-Service

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."