Healthcare Aversion Gifts

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Republican Healthcare

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Surgical Self-Service

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'