Health Trend Skeptic Gifts

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"Can we stop talking about turmeric now?"

'It doesn't have a name...it's generic food.'

Sure-fire weight loss diet pill: ' Take twice a day on an empty stomach...'

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

"I'm sorry to say your husband took so many antioxidants, he suffocated."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

Book Store: Fad Diets.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

All Natural Nothing

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Formally foods that were good for you.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."