Health Fad Skeptics Gifts

Lemonade Cleanse - $20 a glass.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

"I'm sorry to say your husband took so many antioxidants, he suffocated."

"I'm the 'Before' in diet ads."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'