Health Trend Satirist Gifts

'I only jog to be social.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Energy Drinks

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

God and Adam implement social distancing

M.D. Mister Jones is back with his sore throat --- He Googled instead of gargled.

Floor Wet When Slippery

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

Covid-19

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

Life before fitness trackers.

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

'Consumer alert! Consumer alert! - If it tastes good, spit it out!'