Health Trend Satirist Gifts

'I only jog to be social.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Energy Drinks

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

Floor Wet When Slippery

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

God and Adam implement social distancing

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

Covid-19

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

Life before fitness trackers.

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

'Consumer alert! Consumer alert! - If it tastes good, spit it out!'

"Look on the bright side -- At least it's gluten-free."