Health Punster Gifts

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Gas station

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Math Jokes

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

Theater on meds

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

"Oh, nothing much. Just experimenting with some rabbits."

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"