Health Punster Pillows

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

Gas station

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

Math Jokes

Theater on meds

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

I hadn't seen that jerk in years - then the anti-vaxxers showed up, and now I see him everywhere.

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"

I'm afraid I can't write you a prescription for medicinal seaweed.

"Lots of people want to hold me, but no one really cares."

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"