Medical Punster Gifts

"Your condition is serious, Mr. Reynolds, but fortunately I recently scored some excellent weed that should alleviate your symptoms."

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

More holiday ICD-10 codes you may encounter...

"As for the helium treatments. . . things are lookin' up."

"Every bone in my body aches!"

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

'Thyme's a great healer!'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

CLINIC, 'Good news - Those tiny voices I've been hearing are from my pacemaker.'

'Hist wife said he was a hard man to get anything out of.'

'...Or, if you can't afford a bypass right now, how about I put you down for an appendectomy?'

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."