Pharmaceutical Punster Gifts

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Biosimilars? Shouldn't you be prescribing something more BioExact?"

"Don't think of me as a weed dealer—think of me as Little Pharma."

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

I hope that's not a prescription for another placebo, Dr. Kapuchnik. Frankly, Al, you've proven that you can't handle a placebo. This is a prescription for a fake placebo.

"Find out who set up this experiment. It seems that half of the patients were given a placebo, and the other half were given a different placebo."

Viagrampa

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Sweep the board.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'