Health Pun Enthusiast Gifts

"The vaccine is being given to patients with certain underlying health conditions but I'm afraid 'athletes foot' is not one of them!"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."