Health-conscious Punster Gifts

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Bitter End

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Actually, I hate the taste of fish, but the oil's just so darn good for you.

"Thank God!"

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'