Health-conscious Punster Gifts

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

Bitter End

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."