Health Pessimist Gifts

The Dangers of E-Cigarettes

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Pessimists v Optimists.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Tom's last day.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Die alone"

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full -- I see it as taxable!'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'