Health Pessimist Gifts

The Dangers of E-Cigarettes

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Pessimists v Optimists.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Tom's last day.

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

"Die alone"

'Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full -- I see it as taxable!'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.