Health Paradox Enthusiast Gifts

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Are we having fun yet?'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Gym/Tan/Donut

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"It's a cause close to my heart."

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

"So smoking will kill you... bacon will kill you... but will smoking bacon will cure it?"

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

'So, that's 20 cans of beer and 4 packs of roasted peanuts. Are you absolutely sure your doctor prescribed you this?'

The Royal Touch, Believed to Be a Cure for Scrofula, Pox and Excessive Cholesterol

'Ignore him, he's got a touch of man flu, I'll pour him into bed later.'

Abs of Gold?