Fitness Paradox Enthusiast Gifts

"Actually, George goes to the gym every day. He's the cleaner there."

Critisize your weight.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Guy in gym

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Are we having fun yet?'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"It's a cause close to my heart."

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'