Fitness Irony Enthusiast Gifts

'I only jog to be social.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

attorney at law

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

'I'm sorry, we can't declare you the winner. You have high blood pressure.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'

home fitness/fatness

Running Shoes: 'They should be back soon.'

'I can't use it...I can't afford the gym membership!'

"Let's fight obesity - left leg up..."

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

Prescription Diet

His six pack must be all of six hundred-plus nowadays!

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

Obese and lazy man puts the pram on a treadmill.

"My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's a an ad about junk food."

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.