Fitness Irony Aficionado Gifts

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

On the back of the t-shirt...

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

'I'm sorry, we can't declare you the winner. You have high blood pressure.'

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

home fitness/fatness

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'

Running Shoes: 'They should be back soon.'

'I can't use it...I can't afford the gym membership!'

Prescription Diet

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

His six pack must be all of six hundred-plus nowadays!

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

"Let's fight obesity - left leg up..."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

'Oh, I know! I've been telling him for years that he needs to take better care of himself, stop working so hard, get some exercise... Oh, here he is now.'

"Coming to the beach is a great way to stay in shape."

If life is a journey, mine is on a treadmill.

"My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's a an ad about junk food."

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"Hey, about those steroids you sold me. . ."