Health Journey Traveler Gifts

'Lies! Nothing but lies!'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'Happy 18th birthday, son, and congrats on finally overcoming your bout with childhood obesity.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Dieting Motivation.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Scales

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."