Health Journeyers Gifts

'I demand a second opinion!'

'This diet is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Scales

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."