Health Journeyers Pillows

'I demand a second opinion!'

'This diet is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Scales

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Attack of the 'health' foods

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.