Health Journeyer Pillows

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'That's a nicotine patch and the other one is a patch to curb my cravings for nicotine patches.'

Bad news from the scales.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'I'm just weighing out my daily allowance for my diet.'

Weight Watchers

"The tests confirm my prognosis. You eat too much."

'Ron's managed to stop smoking but he's put on an awful lot of weight.'

"I appreciate your desire for a new photo ID following your significant weight loss, but our policy to decline your request is based on the sad reality that you're probably going to gain it all back."

'...my dad recently gave up drinking and smoking and being able to tolerate sentient life forms.'

"I see you went to the hypnotherapist"

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"Since he stopped smoking, his weight has ballooned."

How to loose weight.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I remember when doing chin-ups meant something completely different."

"I went through the pain barrier pulling my socks on."

'I've had it with dieting! -- I lost two pounds last week and nobody noticed!'

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

Man with each foot on a set of scales.

'Actually, I'm not the first from this years marathon - I'm the last from last years...'

'Sure, doughnuts are appetite suppressants, but ... '

'Well, congratulations on cutting down to just one cigarette a day!'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."