Health Jargon Jester Gifts

'It's fine if you tell me what's good for me, but please don't say it has "body perks."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"Honey, my boss moved me upstairs – way upstairs!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'This mission-statement is complete gibberish, Hudson. Well done.'

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

'We son't have any goal posts to move...I'm going to need your jackets...'

Blue Sky Thinking.

"It's called 'Merger.'"

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

'We've had to pool our resources.'

"In business it's called "constant contact." In society it's called "stalking"".

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

'...time you had your ears syringed?'