Health-conscious Parishioner Gifts

Fitness in church.

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Is it organic?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

Spring.

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'No, I haven't heard the score of the football game.'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

The smoking Gun

The protestor's complaint. Chiropractor. My back won't let me stand up for what I believe in, but it also won't let me just take things sitting down.

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

Office Smoking Conflict

Diet Smell...

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

"If you look after your body, it will last you a lifetime."

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'