Wellness Devotee Gifts

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

Spa

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Unguided imagery

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Listen, pal, they're all emergencies."

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."