Wellness Aficionado Gifts

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

Health Club. Massage Room. Ernie, you get a massage almost every day. It makes me feel kneaded!

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."