Wellness Enthusiast Gifts

'Undermined and under-appreciated, constantly chasing ever-changing unreasonable targets, depressed and overstressed...still enough about me. What can I do for you?'

Choose your method of self care...

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'But all the blueberries. . . the wholegrains. . . the skimmed milk. . . the decaffeinated coffee. . . the broccoli. . . you mean it's all been for nothing?'

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

"Jim! Long time. Are you still making your own granola?"

'Yes, I know you don't spend much time in your body, but you still need to take better care of it.'

Work and Life Balance

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

'You're just like everybody else these days - disgustingly healthy!'

Olive Oil Medicine

"Holy moly!"

"Congratulations! You are a seminal figure of wellness."

Family doctor.

Health and Spirit.

"It's all down to turmeric!"

". . . and . . . of course, worrying about those things will kill you!"

'The doctor won't see you unless you can confirm that you haven't had an apple a day...'

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

"How was the gong bath?"

"I think of my body as a temple.:, "You need a more orthodox diet."

"It's simple. Remove everything from your life that you enjoy, so you can live a long, unenjoyable life."

"I know! - I'm just the same!"

Randy's public service announcement. These are uncertain times. Uncertainty leads to strained relationships and lonely, affection-starved ladies. I can help. Call 555 555-RANDY, to order Doctor Randy's Uncertain-Times Foot Rub. That's not the kind of service we discussed. I tell them how to adopt the orphans during the foot rub.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Well, so much for antioxidants."

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"The seventh-inning triangle pose..."

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

CBD Oil for Neurotics

"Are they organic?"

The Yoga Center. Positions available.