Health Enthusiasts Gifts

"It's always best to start with a low dose and closely monitor the results."

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'Instead of passing the fat tax on soda, the government requires that people do 10 chin-ups before the cooler will open.'

The old good-doc, bad cop routine.

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'You have to actually exercise. Jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping breakfast and juggling two jobs won't do it.'

STATIN ISLAND

'If you stop smoking now, you will add three years to your life. Since you are a lawyer, that's about six thousand billable hours.'

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.

"And it was so typically brilliant of you to have invited an epidemiologist."

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

The good and bad news for the species is we have less fat than beef.

"You both appear to be in excellent health."

'In the last 26 years, I've lost 2143 pounds. Unfortunately, in the same period I've gained 2187 pounds!'

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

"Your paranoia of lyme disease is ridiculous!"

'He started acting like this about a week after beginning fish oil supplements,'

Did the new slimming drug test okay? No, sorry, too many side effects!

'Oh, Boy! Swine flu vaccine!'

Vitamins + Supplements

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

Kenneth has come down with a bug.

'How do you ever get sick?'

Death Goes For A Jog

Stay away from Pigs.

The hand's gone around twice.

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

Out of plaster!

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Obesity Class.

'Stop smoking. Cut back on your drinking and stay off the floor of the stock exchange.'

'I'm giving you a powerful muscle relaxant -- that way, you won't be able to chew anything for awhile.'