Health-conscious Parishioner Pillows

Fitness in church.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

'Is it organic?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

'No, I haven't heard the score of the football game.'

Spring.

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

The smoking Gun

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

Office Smoking Conflict

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

Diet Smell...

"If you look after your body, it will last you a lifetime."

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'We don't call it 'plus size' anymore, we call it 'extra fun'.'