Health-conscious Individual With A Laugh Gifts

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Is it organic?'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

Spring.

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'