Health-conscious Comic Fan Gifts

"It's a very sweet gesture, but I have to ask: are you fully vaxxed yet?"

'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'

'I really (cough) gotta stop smoking.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

Orthopaedist

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Lard Lite - Marketing

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

"You're getting too much fiber."

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'What's the problem?'

'Nurse, I said prick his boil!'

'Looks like a virus.'

'Yes, I know I'm wearing dentures, but they're full of cavities.'

"I'm a little concerned about your smoking."