Health-conscious Comic Fan Pillows

"It's a very sweet gesture, but I have to ask: are you fully vaxxed yet?"

'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'

'I really (cough) gotta stop smoking.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

Orthopaedist

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Lard Lite - Marketing

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

"You're getting too much fiber."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'What's the problem?'

"I'm a little concerned about your smoking."