Health-conscious Comic Pillows

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

"I need a few more minutes to resolve an internal battle between my soaring cholesterol level and a craving for french fries."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

New anti-obesity cookbook.

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

Actually, I hate the taste of fish, but the oil's just so darn good for you.

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."