Nutritional Comic Fan Gifts

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Attack of the 'health' foods

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Large Very Fresh Eggs

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

You are what you eat

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

'I'm not really hungry but I keep eating tons of fish because I need the Omega 3 fish oil to help lower my triglycerides.'

The B1 Vitamin Bomber

Fruits and vegetables

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'

"Hold on ... I think a table's about to open up."

'What price range did you have in mind?'

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

'I'm on this 3 month diet...it only lasts a week, but it feels like 3 months.'

'I've changed my mind.'

An Expert's Guide to What's Good and What's Bad to Eat and Drink.

Funeral with Special Sauce

"It's natural food, sir - Just eat it with your fingers."

Dramatic readings of food labels.