Health Comic Fan Gifts

"It looks like you have an inflamed back."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

Orthopaedist

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"Take one three times a day after meals."

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'What's the problem?'