Health Comic Fan Gifts

"It looks like you have an inflamed back."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

Orthopaedist

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Cut way back on grabbing for the gusto, and don't put any salt on it.'

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

"Take one three times a day after meals."

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'