Health Cautious Individual Pillows

"May I see your health records first?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Wash your hands

Running

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Flash Cuisine

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'